my inspiration

Cancer is powerful. It can stop whole lives and start new ones. It is the ultimate dark drama.
Cancer brings a crisp urgency to every hour.
LIVE RIGHT, LIVE WELL, LIVED NOW.
Take each day and create. CREATE GOOD. CREATE LOVE.
Cancer touches everyone around it and can bring wisdom and learning.
LEARNING TO LOVE AND LET GO.


By Melissa Etheridge
THIS provides me with the inspiration for how I make my choices and how I live my life.
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Sunday, August 10, 2008

花生大事回忆之三

花生自第一次生病后,就不时会发发烧,但过三五天就自己会好,全是病毒感染。吃的也只有退烧药,和在鼻子滴盐水。刚帮他滴盐水的时候,象杀猪似地嚎哭,要我阿姨按着,外公捉紧机会把盐水给滴到鼻子中。后来,花生也学乖了,知道没什么大不了的,居然按时自己拿着盐水瓶,要我阿姨抱着,然后外公给他滴盐水。直到他完全好了,也如此。另外一样学会的便是量体温。拿着那温度计就往耳朵塞,手指也知道往哪按,直听到“嘀”一声,拿出来像模像样地看显示。后来发展到,家里无论是谁在量体温,只要给他看到,他也必须量一下才罢休。以为是在玩儿呢。花生的小病,我们都有经验了,也不担心,直到今年的三月,花生着实吓了我们一回。因为特别,事后我特意在日历写下了经历。

 

20个月得小儿玫瑰红疹(Roseola)

 

花生在三月10日那天早上开始塞鼻子。我们都以为他是又感冒了,到了第二天他就发烧,体温也不特别高,而且发烧只有半天。之后他好像好起来了。但我却并倒了。浑身不舒服,感觉累得很,肯定是病毒感染,自己也请了假,没上班,留在家里休息。但到了16号那天,花生突然在中午的时候发起烧来,而且一下子升到39度多。我们看他还挺有精神的,也就只是给他吃退烧药。药吃下去不久,温度好像降了下来,但只要一过时间,又回去了。这样到了第二天星期一。第一件事,就是约见家庭医生。

 

花生看上去什么事都没有,就只是没有胃口和高体温。见到医生后,他的体温也有39度左右。医生断定之前的是病毒感染,已经好了,这次高烧是第二次感染。她又问是否出疹,拉起他的裤管看花生的腿,也没看出些什么。然后,她就开了两张化验单,验尿和验血。说验尿马上可以做;如果他在星期二还发高烧,那么星期三一早就要带他去验血。验尿,我们倒很有经验,已经验了两回了。但验血,不要说是BB,就连我也有点怕怕。心里就期望着花生好起来。

 

但到了星期二,花生还是在烧。到了晚上好像是有点好转,但还是在38.8度徘徊。到了星期三,一早帮他量体温,好像降下来了。于是家里便开了辩论会(我已经上班,辩论是在电话进行) - 是否应该带花生去验血。我和花生他爹是认为去,验一下比较放心;我爸爸是反对派,认为既然烧已开始下降,就证明好转,其实他主要是心疼花生要挨一针;我妈妈是没有主意的一派;我阿姨是墙头草,一会说验,说什么只是按手指抽血而已,一会又说算了。到最后,当然是做妈的说了算 - 验去。于是由花生他爹带队,一行三人(加上花生、我阿姨)直奔化验所。我爸是后来自己不放心跑到化验所陪花生。我是幕后主持者,一切从电话了解情况。

 

花生倒挺男子汉。据我爸说,他只是在针头插入那一下大声哭了一下,就没有哭了,只是一动不动看着自己的血被抽出来,好奇胜过疼痛。星期三下午,花生就没有烧了。星期四早上,医生打电话告知,血的检验没问题,因该就只是病毒感染。我爸大叫白挨了一针,他还在心疼。

 

星期四我下班回家,我阿姨告诉我在帮花生洗澡的时候,发现他的额头和后脖子有些密密麻麻的小红斑。到了晚上这红斑延伸到脚和背部。我们马上怀疑花生是在出疹。我上网查了一通,又打电话问了做中医的二伯父,最后很肯定花生是出疹,而且就叫Roseola。幸好这小儿急诊不痛也不痒,花生只是没有胃口,遍身粉点外,就没有任何异样。这疹的特点是先高烧三天,再出疹三天,然后消失地无影无踪。那些小红点在星期六的晚上就开始褪了,刚好是第三天。花生之后啥事都没有。

 

医生也没去看。就这样过去了。不过花生的确是白挨了一针。其实也是那医生没有水平,她应该让我们等三天过后看烧是否退,看是否出疹,才要花生验血。那次在急诊室,那医院的医生也没有叫验血。不过,想一下,家庭医生始终比医院的医生保守,而且更加小心翼翼,没拿水平嘛。也算了。花生遭的罪也不是很多,只是大人担心比较多。

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hormone Specialist - Second visit

Yeah, we need to pay another visit to VGH today, twice in a week.  This time mom needs to see the hormone specialist, Dr. Paty.  The blood test report on thyroid came clear with a little problem, which leads to further tests.  As per the report, mom's thyroid seems to function well now, but there is something abnormal about her LH produced by the pituitary gland.  The LH is a hormone stimulating the production of estrogen by the ovaries.  In my mom's case, her LH level should be pretty high due to menopause.  But the test result shows the opposite - surprisingly low.  Dr. Paty explained that it might be the lab's mistake or something wrong with the pituitary gland.  Therefore, further blood tests.  And we'll see him again after the tests.  真是“医得头来,脚又痛”。

 

But we should be happy that there is nothing to worry about her thyroid now.  Life goes on.  We'll deal with it when the problem comes.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

儿子长大了

自从我全职在家后,花生就特粘我。从昨晚开始我就筹划着如何在今天脱身陪妈妈到医院。但怎么想也想不出个道道。后来也就算了,随机应变吧。想不到挺顺利的。花生起来后,花生他爹顺顺当当地帮他换了衣服,洗了脸,带到了楼下吃早餐。现在花生到处能跑,我是不可能避开他的视线的。我拿着一个新的本子 - 花生的最爱就是本子和笔,学Blue's Clue的,一幼儿节目。蹲下,叫花生...

 

“花生,妈妈给一个新本子你,喜欢吗?”

 

“嗯!”伸手想拿。

 

“你先听妈妈说。妈妈今天要陪外婆去看医生。还记得那医生吗?上次帮妈妈洗牙的那个?”五月初的时候曾带着花生一起去洗牙,后来那医生在电视被采访,花生居然认得他。于是我好好利用这点,编一下。

 

“记得。洗牙。”花生好像很懂似的,张开嘴,手指着牙。

 

“对呀。妈妈等一下就陪外婆去,外公也去。BB留在家里和爸爸玩,看跳舞舞。知道吗?”

 

“知道。”拿着本子满嘴笑脸就走。

 

于是我就趁他吃煎鸡蛋的时候走人。

 

...

 

回到家已一点了。花生已吃好午饭,准备睡午觉。听到我们回来,就蹬蹬地跑下楼,忙着帮外婆拿拖鞋换(一直以来他都以为自己比外婆强,经常争着“照顾”外婆的)。

 

“花生,妈妈和外婆去哪了?”

 

“看医生。洗牙。”照样张开嘴,手指着牙。

 

...

 

哎,儿子大了,也开始懂事了。

Half-Day Trip to VGH

Today mom was scheduled to see Dr. Song after the first cycle of Revlimid.  She had the big blood work done on July 31 (seven tubes of blood were collected), but it turned out four tubes of the blood were wasted due to a human mistake made by the lab.  The lab missed some important tests, and mom needed to go to the hospital early today to re-do the test.

 

The appointment with Dr. Song was scheduled at 12:20 pm, and mom needed to have the blood collected before 10:00 am.  So we spent half days at the Vancouver General Hospital while Peanut was staying home with his dad.  We did a lot there: blood test, ECG (心电图), sushi lunch and doc's appointment.  Luckily, VGH has a very nice place to stay, and mom is quite well today.  Once she stopped taking the Revlimid, she felt a bit better day by day.  With the increased dose of hydromorphen and methadone, the muscle pain is managable.

 

Since I've spent some time in four big hospitals in Vancouver, I think I can say something about the hospitals here.  Just one big sentence: the hospitals here are not scary at all and don't smell like a hospital.  Mount St. Joseph Hospital and St. Paul's Hospital belong to the Provindence Health Care system, meaning they have religion background, and Women's Hospital and VGH belong to Vancouver Coastal Health system, meaning government-related hospital.  Three of them are teachinig hospitals, and VGH is also the Clinical Academy Campus of UBC.  They are all very clean and very family-oriented, espeically VGH.  The courtyard we were staying today is quite spacious and very friendly, just like a foodcourt in a shopping mall.  The building itself is well desiged (I kinda regret that I didn't bring the pink little camera with me today).  It doesn't look like a hospital at all, especially with a Starbucks right beside it.  On the upper floors there are quiet study areas for the medical students.  Just looking at the environment, I almost have an urge to go back to school.

 

Anyway, the appointment with Dr. Song went well and quickly as expected.  The muscle pain is quite common among all patients as per Dr. Song.  Some will adapt to the drug as they go along and have less and less pain, while others may find the pain intolerable and stop the drug all together.  Lowering the dose may help.  But the problem is once the dose is lowered, it can't be increased again.  Well, it's the rule of the experiment.  Therefore, mom will try one more cycle of the same dose and see how it goes.  Dr. Song said that he would be able to tell the effectiveness of the drug after two cycles, and between lines, he did encourage mom to give it one more try.

 

We all agree.  It's all about courage, support and hope.

Friday, August 1, 2008

这就大半辈子了

这段时间成了中文狂:与父母狂追了一部长达五十二集的电视连续剧“闯关东”和看了一部网络小说“梦里花落知多少”。妈妈每天有一半时间都是在看DVD度过的,她说只有这样才可以忍受疼痛,所以我家的大陆电视连续剧多的不得了,每次有熟人往返加中两地,就必托带DVD。也别说,现在中国好看的电视剧也不少,这闯关东的便是一出。至于这网络小说,我也是无聊的时候才偶尔看一下,每次都是以“一目一版”的速度看,看中文小说与看英文小说不同。中文小说,大多都是追情节,不细看;英文小说由于语言关系,必须要细看才能看得懂,所以倒是看英文小说看得上心而且注意到美好的句子。这“梦里花落知多少”也不知是网络小说而已,还是在书店真有此书卖。作者叫郭敬明,一长篇小说(我只看长篇小说),挺好的一书,尽管里面的粗话不断。

 

这书和这电视都让我感动。里面大喜大悲的感情故事在我脑子里直翻腾,弄得我这几天都有点痴呆了,脑子里不断想着以前的许许多多的事。有很多事,现在我还没有到老到什么都能侃。这还是我家小麦教的:有很多话都收在潘多拉的盒子里。想着想着突然意识到我和我家小麦同志已经认识超过半辈子了,打16岁那一年开始认识到现在,已经是18年了。

 

18年前的现在,差不多是这时候吧,八月底左右。我不争气,在初中升高中的时候考不好(我到现在还想不清楚考不好的原因),没有考回读初中的五中,被南武中学给录取了。这还是妈妈在背后使劲,否则也不会那么早知道被南武录取的。被南武录取后,后来成为我的英文老师的梁美英,也是妈妈的同学,在排班的时候,把我的名字从三班抽了出来,摆到了一班去。这一班的人大多数是南武本身的直升生和一些老师子女,尽管班主任严小玉一再强调不是重点班,但这个班就是一重点班的味道。我从小学起,就在所谓的重点班(特点:老师子女特多;班主任给班里揽下的活特多;出镜率特多),所以一闻便知道。小麦同志是直升生加班长。到了高二,我和他是前后座,他是学校的学生会副主席。我和他就是这样被安排认识的。读了高二三个月,1991年底就离开,来到了加拿大。和小麦同志再见面的时候是1995年的五月,正好是北京正飘絮的日子。

 

美其名是陪奶奶回中国,其实是我自己也想回去。回去后,人象疯了似,每天不是见这个同学就是去那个地方。甚至后来拉着许毅就坐火车往北京奔,许毅真够朋友,背着个小包跟家里人说需要出差,就买好火车票带着我往北京奔。我就带着一个小行李袋和不知写了多少遍的北京理工地址跟着许毅走了。这是我第一次坐长途火车,这是我第一次去北京,这是我第一次没有告诉家人我去哪就“离家出走”...火车到北京时,北京是天蒙蒙亮,才早上四五点。叫了一辆面的(对,那时北京面的正流行 - 就是一小面包车,比出租车便宜,起表十块,然后是每公里一块),说去北京理工大学。因为是一早,哪儿也不堵,一会儿就到了。在学校的操场上就见到有不少老头老太太在运动,给我的感觉很北方。问了人,来到了宿舍的门前。一老太太在看门,查问了半天,只允许许毅上去。麦晓鹏是不知道我们来的。

 

过了一会儿,就看到花生他爹,当时21岁的大学二年级学生,一付睡眼蒙松的样子,穿着一紫色的衬衫,一牛仔裤,一双拖鞋,出现在我面前。当时的情景,当时的感受,当时的心情这一辈子也不会有第二回。北京的五月很美。

 

再去北京的时候是1996年的十二月。这回我是和妈妈回中国探望生病的外婆,途中经北京。我停留一下北京,妈妈先回广州。翁俊宏接我的飞机,因为小麦同志要考试(他这门考砸了)。北京的十二月也很美,特爱那结了冰的昆明湖。

 

...不翻腾了。来之不易,要好好珍惜。